Everyone chooses their partner for particular reasons, many of which they may not fully understand because they happen at a subconscious level. Thus, to some degree at least, most heterosexual couples pre-select the characteristics they are looking for in a child when they choose their partner.
Things are different for same-sex couples looking to have children and for heterosexual couples looking for sperm or egg donation because they are unable to conceive themselves.
You can only learn a little about an anonymous donor
Opting for an anonymous donor limits the amount of information you can get about the characteristics your child might have. Typically you can find out the following information about an anonymous donor:
- Physical characteristics
- Education
- Ethnicity
- Genetic background
In some cases, you may also be able to access some information about their family history and their hobbies and career. But that’s second-hand information, not something you can perceive yourself.
You already know a lot more about a friend
Maybe you are considering a friend because they are a great athlete, and tall and handsome at the same time. Or, perhaps you are considering another friend for their intelligence and kind personality.
You have first-hand experience with them. You know their good and bad sides. You know that just because they don’t have a degree doesn’t mean they aren’t intelligent. Or you know that just because they are short and slightly overweight doesn’t mean they aren’t incredibly attractive.
Even though there are no guarantees as to how a child will turn out when you combine two people’s genes and evidence suggests genetics only play a 40 to 60% role in determining the so-called big five personality traits, you will still have a better idea when using a friend as a donor than someone anonymous.
Bear in mind, however, that asking a friend to be your donor will likely change your relationship forever – regardless of their reply. It could bring you closer or it could complicate things. If you are considering a friend, be sure to learn more about the legal implications before you approach them.